One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom.
The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy:
TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see
the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes,
I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he
isn't there. He doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some
questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss (getting tired of the same questions
by this time).
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today
in school, she must not have one!
A "Mallu" female (from the
heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post
of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful
attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair,
his mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless,
he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her
"If You could form a sentence using the words that
I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The
words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and
BLACK." The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for
a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go
and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW.....
BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number..
... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK,
yokeeyy? Thank you." The Manager fainted...
In a party one of Zail Singh's friends
asked him how many chappathis he could eat in an empty
stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend
told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach
is no longer empty .Then how can U eat seven ??".
Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon
as he went back home he asked his wife " How many
chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??".
She replied "Five". Then Zail told "
Shit!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply
for it"
There's a funeral procession
of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars
in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing
and general balle balle' is on. The people on the street
find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is
celebrating as if its a marriage baarat. So one of them
asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala
gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho?" ...... Comes
the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade khushi ki
!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara
hai !!!!
When a bachelor marries, his wife
has three qualities
she is an economist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in
the living room and a devil in bed.
After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain,
but not in the same order she is an aristocrat in the
kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist
in bed.
One day a father called
his 6 children together and asked,
"Now tell me, who has been most obedient during
last week and did everything mother asked?"
In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"
A couple had three children.
Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the
third child was dull, ugly, and backward.
One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, "Tell
me the truth, dear. Is this third child really mine?"
"Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the
other two are not."
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the
lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies
his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that
way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get
the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right
now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained
that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest
during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look,
I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20
lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
Three men were applying for the same
job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish,
and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant
just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief
asked him, "Who illed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish
man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed
him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the
Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked
the same question. He replied Jesus was killed by the
Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then
left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview,
he was asked the same question. He thought for a long
time, before saying, "Could I have some time to
think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but
get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived
home, his wife asked "How was the interview?"
Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and
I'm already investigating a murder."
Santa and Banta Singh were bitter
enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th
floor of the same building. One day the lift was out
of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on
Santa and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30
pm. So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the
7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the
door and a message
'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!'
Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his
reply below Banta's message
'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order
to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold
him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a
kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've
kidnapped you." The Sardarji then wrote a note
saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning,
put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the
mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the
city play ground".Signed, "A Sardarji".
The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt
and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next
morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper
bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji
opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note
saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji
?!"
An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction
work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned
beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one
more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta
again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump
off, too." The Surd opened his lunch and said,
"Paratha and dal again. If I get paratha and daal
one more time I'm jumping too." Next day - The
American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage
and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch,
sees pasta and jumps. The Surd opens his lunch, sees
paratha and daal and jumps to his death also...At the
funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says,
"If I'd known how really tired he was of corned
beef & cabbage, I never would have given it to him
again!" The Italian's wife also weeps and says
" I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't
realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned
and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look
at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that
I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear
of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man
next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him
off. Go ahead, I'll
hold your monkey for you."
A mother and her young son were flying British Airways
from London to
Sydney. The son, who had been looking out the window,
turned to his mother
and said, "Why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't
think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If
big dogs have baby dogs
and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have
baby planes?"
The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell
you to ask me that?". The
boy said that she had.
With a clever grin, the flight attendant said, "Tell
your mother it's
because British Airways always pulls out on time."
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent
diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence
starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I
am." > ELLEN: All right... "I am the
ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER:Max, use "defeat,"
"defense," and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field,
and defeat went over defense before
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MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow
the money I gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
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TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10
people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.
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TEACHER: If you had one dollar and
you asked your father for another,how many dollars would
you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your
arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
Two hunters are out
in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't
seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other
guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm
down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence,
then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy
says: "OK, now what?"
Bathroom Etiquette
In the men's room, an accountant, a lawyer
and a farmer were standing side by side using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing
and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his
elbows....he held about 20 paper towels before he finished.
He turned to the other two men and commented, "I
graduated from Harvard and they taught
us to be sanitary."
The lawyer finished, zipped up, went to the sink and
quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper
towel and commented, "I graduated from UC Berkeley
and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The farmer zipped up and as he was walking directly
out the door said, "I graduated from WVU and they
taught us not to piss on our fingers"
One day, a little girl
is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother
has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast
to her brunette hair.
She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why
are some of your hair white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you
do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of
my hair turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a
while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's
hair are white?"
Sardarji happened to
participate in a competition, which was about writing
the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition
that a story must have four ingredients
viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others.
Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and
read :
"Oh God, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji
whether it contained all the four ingredients !!
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation
as below:
Oh God : religion
my wife: sex
going to deliver a child : suspense (whether a girl
or a boy)
"Okay.... but where is the mystery ?" asked
one of the organizers.
The sardar replied : who is the father ??
Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest
story !
Sardar Gurbachan Singh
is appearing for his University final examination which
consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in
the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the
coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and
N for Tails.Within half an hour he is all done whereas
the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the
last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the
coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed,
approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye,
I finished the exam in half an hour". "But
yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answers."
One day Santa Singh goes
to a bank for cash withdrawal.
The cashier is a Gujarati lady with a typical Gujarati
accent.
When Santa's token No. is announced, he goes to the
cash counter.
The lady cashier asks him in hindi, "Mr. Singh,
so so ke loge?"
Santa replies, "Khade Khade bhi chalega!"
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